a very emocorn wedding
[Emocorn is standing at the altar, she's wearing purple boots & a pantsuit of some colour (probably pink), Astrid is the officiant & she's wearing her favourite outfit ever]
Audience member, Tavros: (starts crying)
Audience member, Vriska: (puts a cigarette out on him)
[the speakers start playing Mendelssohn's Wedding March, but then the beat drops and it transitions to the stinkiest nastiest sexiest dubstep you've ever heard]
Eridan: (starts walking down the aisle in a beautiful dress with a boob window)
Big Boo from Orange Is The New Black: (is walking her down the aisle & holding back tears)
[Eridan gets to the altar]
Astrid: Emocorn & Eridan, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?
Emocorn: Yes!
Eridan: i mean i guess
Astrid: Will you love and honor each other as unicorn and wife for the rest of your lives?
Emocorn: Yes!
Eridan: i mean i guess
Astrid: Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?
Emocorn: Yes!
Eridan: wwait wwhat
[Astrid moves on as Eridan wonders how a unicorn can get someone baby'd up anyway (the answer is with unicorn magic so get your mind out of the gutter)]
Astrid: I am duly authorised by law to solemnise marriages according to law.
Astrid: Before you are joined in marriage in my presence and in the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which you are now about to enter.
Audience member, Joshua "Null" Moon: Heh! More like 'bondage', am I right? (laughs and slaps his big fat belly)
Astrid: (feels overwhelmingly maternal to Null, but keeps going) Marriage, according to law in Australia--
Emocorn: (hissing under her breath) Alternia, like Homestuck!
Astrid: ...Law in Alternia, like Homestuck is the union of 2 people to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.
[Emocorn forgets what comes next because she's dumb, but the kid from the Shining who is an audience member reminds her that it's time for the legal vows with the Shining (she doesn't have the Shining but it's similar to unicorn magic)]
Emocorn: I ask everyone here to witness that I, Emocorn Jones, take you, Eridan Ampora, to be my lawful wedded wife.
Eridan: i ask evveryone here to wwitness that i eridan ampora take you emocorn jones to be my lawwful wwedded unicorn
Audience member, Sheldon: Bazinga!
Astrid: Emocorn and Eridan through their words today, have joined together in holy wedlock.
Astrid: Because they have exchanged their vows before God and these witnesses, have pledged their commitment each to the other, and have declared the same by joining hands and by exchanging rings, I now pronounce that they are married. Those whom God hath joined together, let no one put asunder. Emocorn, you may now kiss the fictional character.
[Emocorn & Eridan start totally macking out at the altar, everyone cheers, they get divorced five days later because Eridan won't stop playing Nick Fuentes interviews out loud in the hotel room on their honeymoon, and everyone lives happily ever after, except for every Twitter user ever]
The End.